Why I Take Offense to Looking Young
Can you believe it? Normally, people like looking younger than their age, right? Nope. Not me. Maybe I should rephrase that. I’m totally fine with how I look. Personally, I like looking “young” even though my reality is that I feel like I look my age, like a mid-30s person. I even have a handful of… *GASP* white hairs *UGLY CRY*. So, why do I take offense when someone tells me that I look young? Honestly, it has hindered me professionally and financially.
I visited Utah last month and went with my mom to a home show to work on a possible construction project. I was asking vendors questions to get a good feel for what to expect and what to budget. I was telling every vendor that I’m soaking in as much information as I can because I’m only in town for the weekend. One vendor, after learning I lived in Seattle, said in surprise, “Oh, wow! Are you going to school up there?”
My gut reaction: I felt offended. Maybe it wasn’t his intent, but it came across like he dismissed me as a possible client because I looked “young”. I quickly corrected him and told him I actually moved up to Seattle after college back in 2010.
I started to think about why I felt offended immediately and realized that I’ve held many professional roles where I felt my growth was stunted professionally, my voice wasn’t valued in a room, and my income remained stagnant because people made the assumption that I’m only a few years out of college and “only” hold a handful of years of experience.
The real root of the problem isn’t my looking “young”. It’s people infantilizing millennials and disrespecting “younger” people because they can’t possibly add value with their limited life and work experience, right? Wrong.
I hold a belief that no matter the person (baby, child, adult, or elder), we can learn something from them. We can learn to appreciate a new perspective. We can learn about the unique struggles of a different generation. We can be reminded of our youth.
How has looking “younger” shown up in my life?
Being talked to condescendingly as if I don’t have work experience.
Advised to take on a project, meeting, or position as it will be a “good experience” for me and my career even if it isn’t very challenging.
Received hourly pay closer to marketing roles with only a few years of work experience, instead of proper compensation that values the more than a decade of marketing experience that I have.
Felt dismissed or how my voice/perspective isn’t welcome in a room or doesn’t add value to the conversation.
Given more administrative “out of scope” work first (ie: accepting deliveries, tending to a reception desk, etc.) and/or the team member who is consistently given extra responsibilities.
Sure, looking young has its benefits. I’m not worrying about wrinkles yet, since a solid skin care routine didn’t enter my life until I was 30. But I can’t help but wonder if a more “youthful” look has contributed to people offering me positions/work for the same pay that I was making 7 years ago?
Additionally, age doesn’t necessarily correlate with experience. A person can hold a position/title for decades and never attempt to grow and learn new things about their work, their industry, &/or develop new skills while in the role.
There has been a movement across the nation for companies to post salary and benefits information in their job postings. The Seattle Times writes about the Washington Senate Bill 5761 that Governor Inslee just signed into law, “Backers contend it will level the playing field for candidates, particularly women, people of color and others who may not have had experience negotiating for a higher salary and are unaware of just how much the company could afford to offer.”
There are a multitude of reasons why I started my own business and this exact issue probably helped to prompt me too. I reached a point where I felt I was going nowhere and financially questioned if I could even afford to continue living in Seattle. I was getting tired of having to play the right game to try and get ahead and just wanted the freedom and flexibility to be me. I want my work, my talent, my skills to stand on their own.
Have you ever felt that the way you look or how you are perceived has impacted how other people have treated, valued, and respected you?
